so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize