wanna go halves on a baby?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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