Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
