do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
