I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
