I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
