I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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