I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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