I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
