woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
