I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
