O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize