Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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