OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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