Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
