ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
