My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
