Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
