Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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