Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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