his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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