What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
