omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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