god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
