three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
These tits shall not be calmed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
