He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
