I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
