hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
