yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
