good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
