Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
