Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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