Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
