Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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