Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
