Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
