Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
