She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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