My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
