New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
