In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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