I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The Olympian is in my bed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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