dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
