Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry about my life...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
