at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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