is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
