Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
