Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
