I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
