how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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