Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
