just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
