is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
