If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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