Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
