I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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