I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
