omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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