is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
