I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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