No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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