we have pet lesbian snakes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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