i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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