Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
