i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
