I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
