I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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