cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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