What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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