So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
