im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
