On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
