dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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