Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
