yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
