Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
