Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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