my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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