There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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