Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
