he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
