I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
