high people should be assigned attendants
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
