I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
