She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
