I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
