shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
